Outgrowing an old version of yourself

Small choices, repeated, become who you are.

Today, you are who you are. The way you react, the way you speak to yourself, the way you get through the day. It feels like it's simply you.

But it isn't a sentence. It is a habit, and habits can change.

Tomorrow, you can choose differently. One small thing. You can pause where you used to snap. You can say a kind word to yourself where you used to say a cruel one. You can rest where you used to push.

It may feel strange, like wearing a coat that isn't yours yet. That's okay. Do it again the day after.

I have learned that nobody becomes someone new in a single brave moment. We become new in the small, quiet repetitions that no one sees. The same choice, made again and again, until it stops feeling like effort.

And then, one day, you notice. You didn't have to try. The new way has become the way you are.

What was once a choice becomes a habit. What was once a habit becomes a way of living. And that is how a person is truly changed, not all at once, but one faithful day at a time.

The ancient Upanishads of India say that you are shaped by what you deeply long for. What you long for becomes your will. Your will becomes your actions. Your actions become your destiny. So the change you are choosing is not small. Each quiet choice is a vote for who you are becoming. Choose with love.

Start tomorrow. Choose one thing, and choose it again.

And while you do, say this each morning, out loud if you can:

"Today, I choose who I am becoming."

And really have the awareness of it. Keep revolving in your mind what you are changing, and why.

Why this works

Paramahansa Yogananda author of the "Autobiography of a Yogi" and one of the greatest spiritual teachers of our times, taught that repeated thoughts sink into the deeper layers of the mind and slowly become part of who we are. He said an affirmation works best when it is spoken with attention, feeling, and quiet determination, not as empty words. Repeat it first aloud, then in a whisper, then silently, until it becomes part of you.

Modern science is moving in the same direction. The brain keeps changing throughout life, a quality called neuroplasticity. Connections that are used again and again grow stronger, while those that go unused fade. Brain imaging studies of self-affirmation, including research from the University of Pennsylvania, found that affirming what matters to you activates the brain's self-related and reward areas, and it can make us less defensive and more open to change.

Louise Hay and the mirror

Louise Hay, the author of You Can Heal Your Life, taught that the way we speak to ourselves quietly shapes how we live. Her affirmations are always short, in the present tense, and about the self: "I am safe," "I am willing to change." She believed that the old, critical voice in our heads is only a thought repeated for years, and that a thought can be replaced by a kinder one. Her most famous practice was to look into your own eyes in the mirror and say it out loud. That is uncomfortable at first, and that is exactly why it matters. It meets the part of you that doubts, and slowly softens it.

Research supports part of this. Studies on self-compassion and self-affirmation suggest that speaking to yourself with kindness lowers stress and defensiveness and makes lasting change easier, because we change more readily when we feel safe than when we feel judged.

In the ancient traditions of India, the world began with sound, and a spoken word was never just a word. It was a vibration with a direction. You don't have to take it on faith. Notice how a harsh word changes your body in a second, and how a kind one softens it. Words move something in us, and that something is real.

So choose them as you would choose a seed. Speak the ones you want to grow. Say them with feeling, and then live them.

— InnerWorldGuide